Dying Ugly

I made my little avatar, I ate all the pop tarts and oreos I could and I ate my last double cheese burger. And yes... I actually went out on Monday and ran. IT WAS UGLY! I went to the gym when Kasala got home from work. The gym use to close at 11pm... or at least in my world it did. So I roll in about 9:37 and they started turning off the lights at 9:50pm. No one said anything to me (I had my ear phones on anyways so I wouldn't have listened) and I just kept running. I was almost finished and then ALL the lights went off and I noticed I was the only one in there. So I got off, tried to catch my breath, and went home. It was a horrible sight to see me in the gym running. I use to run. I use to run a lot when I was here before. Granted I ran a lot when I got dumped, I wasn't eating much either, I didn't have a child and I was trying to look good for the guy who I still loved who dumped me! So... this person who I use to be is still in my head. I jumped on thinking this is going to be a piece of cake...what it ended up being was the treadmill BEGGING me to get the hell off of it! I honestly thought I was going to break the thing. I couldn't believe it. So I went home even more depressed than when I got on the stupid thing. I've decided that maybe running isn't for me right now. I think I'm a walker. I'll be a walker until I don't look like I'm dying when I run, when the treadmill doesn't sound like it's going to collapse under me and when my knees aren't crying out "What are you thinking fatty!?" But I'm not giving up. I'm actually proud of my little avatar and I look at that thing on here so much now that she isn't playing video games and playing with that stupid ball hooked to the paddle.