In Need of A Break

This is how I've felt the past few days... or weeks... maybe even months. Now I'd just like to give a little disclaimer: I love my family. I love my husband. He works very hard on his school work and has had a wonderful job this past year that has made it possible for us to NOT pay rent. This job has been a great blessing to our family and I am really sad that we're going to have to start paying rent again.

I love Terina too. She is my sunshine. She makes me laugh all the time. You should hear her speak Chinese! Terina has such a wild imagination and I LOVE hearing what she has to say about everything! She is such a loving girl. She's always concerned about others if they get hurt, she is so good at sharing with her friends, and she is a very smart little girl. Kasala and Terina are my world. I love them very VERY much.

HOWEVER...... for some time now I've just wanted to run away! Some nights I find myself making an excuse to go to the store. And when I get to the store I walk aimlessly around for about an hour before going home with nothing more than a bottle of water.

It seems as if instead of Terina getting better and more well behaved as she gets older, she just gets more and more deaf. She's starting to become a difficult child! And she usually isn't like that. She USED to be very obedient. Now.... it takes us 20 minutes to get her to put her clothes on, or to pick up her toys. And I KNOW she can hear me! She always has this little smirk on her face that seems to say,"I know you're talking to me but I'm just going to pretend like I can't hear you."

I'm really starting to feel bad about being such a brat to my parents. I'm really starting to understand that whole saying of "What goes around, comes around." I guess I just need to learn to be more patient with her and talk in a "nice voice" instead of a "mad voice". I love Terina. I hope she knows that. Maybe that's why I'm always crying. I feel bad about not being a "good" mom.

Last night after we said our prayers I just stayed by her bed and cried. I felt so bad about losing my temper. I laid down with her and she was so cute. She just rubbed my back and we talked. After a while she kissed me good night and she went to sleep. She is such a sweet girl. I really hope I don't mess her up.

I love you Terina. Thank you for blessing our lives with your sweet spirit.