Finding the Good....

Is really hard sometimes!

I had the chance last week to go to Time Out for Women last weekend in Portland with some friends. The hook, line and sinker for me was that I couldn't bring the kids! It was a weekend away from the girls and some time for myself which I hardly ever get. And if I do by some miracle get time alone I'm too tired to enjoy it! So this was a great chance to get away, recharge, and "Find the Good". I think that was the theme of the conference or something along those lines. The speakers were so great and the music was so heartfelt and it really touched me. I left Portland ready to make some changes in my life and at home and with our family. I was on the spiritual high and i was going to ride it as long as i could.

Well..... As you can guess it didn't last that long. Surprise, surprise. As much as wanted to find the good every day and in everything i do sometimes its just easier to find the bad. I know that isnt going to help make me a better person but sometimes a person needs to yell, scream and just flat out cry! I know there is good all around me. I see it, I feel it, and I think it but I guess just not enough.

One of the speakrs/musical performers Hilary Weeks talked about finding the good and being thankful for it no matter how big or small. She went out and bought a clicker and kept track of everything that was around her that was good or that she was thankful for or that was a positive thought and by the end of the 4 days she had over a 1,000 positive thoughts. She encouraged everyone to keep track of their positive thoughts and see how it will change their lives.

Of course there were clickers in the back of the room for sale and before I could get sucked in to buying one for $5.00 one was delivered to me by Paaga, who was late getting there Saturday morning and sitting all the way in the back right by the clickers. I was thankful for her and that she got one for me because if I had gone back there I wiuld have had to fight 2,000 crazy Mormon women who were buying those clickers by the dozens.

So coming home from my spiritual high I set out Monday morning with my clicker on my wrist ready to make a change. Day 1 was great! I was just clicking away at school having fun and being carefree. Even home was good! Day 2 was alright. Not as many clicks but I still got a few in. Day 3 completely forgot about the clicker. It was a half day, I had to finish grades and do comments, I had to make calls home to parents and then clean up the room because my job is almost done. Thursday was stressful and by Friday I was ready for the weekend. I tried doing things with the girls last night and ran some errands but it just wasnt going according to plan. Today wasn't any better. And now here I sit on a Saturday night having a breakdown.....again.

How is it that just a week ago I was feeling so good and ready to change and only 7 days later I'm sitting on the dark, blogging on the iPad  and just waiting for the tears to start rolling? I just dont get it! I guess somethings are just better left undiscovered.

So...Here's to the start of a new week. To starting over again and trying to find the good in the world around me. And more importantly, trying to find the good in ME. Because i believe deep down, somewhere, I am a good person.