What Were We Thinking!

4 years ago is a blur to me. I can't remember a majority of what happened then. Of course the "key moments" stick out in my mind but besides that... the end of 2005 and beginning of 2006 is somewhat a blur.

One year ago April Kasala went to Samoa to attend his Grandmothers' funeral. While he was gone "we" decided that it was time to have another child. After about 8 months of everyone around me getting pregnant "we" decided that it would happen when it happened. So I went to the OB for a check up and he suggested that I lose some weight. He was basically telling me I was a fatty in a nice way. So after doing nothing for 3 months to help move the weight loss process along Mom sent me some HcG that she wasn't using. SHE was even telling that I was a fatty in a nice way. Anyways... I used it, LOVED IT, lost weight, LOVED IT, and was about to buy new clothes when my parents came for Terina's birthday. I had stopped using the HcG for about a month and was working out at 4:30 every morning and actually LOVING IT! ChaLean Extreme is the BOMB!! But I was feeling like dirt while we were shopping at Walmart and decided to buy a test just because Mom was here and those things were freakin expensive and I knew if I threw it in the cart and covered it up she wouldn't notice and just buy it. :) Yes.... I'm sneaky.

Anyways... long story short, the morning of Terina's "birthday BBQ" I decided to take it and was about ready to crap my pants when it came out positive. I was really just hoping for a period and not a freakin baby. I had given up hope on all that and decided to go back to school and blah blah blah... anyways the baby wasn't in the plans anymore! So I woke up Sala and told him. His reply, "Go take another one later and let me sleep." This response was accompanied with a thumbs up. (I could tell he was excited.)

But now, like I said, 4 years ago is a blur. I don't remember what I was like when I was pregnant with Terina. That was a really strange and extremely hard time in my life. I pretty much blocked a lot of that pregnancy out of my mind. (Does that sound bad?) But now that I'm pregnant again... I don't like it! I'm tried all the time. I get really irritated really fast and I'm yelling a lot! I DON'T LIKE IT!! And it seems like the harder I try the more frustrated I get with things and people and my family. I feel so bad for them sometimes. I really don't understand why some women say that pregnancy is the most beautiful thing... cause it AIN'T in this house! I think for the safety and sanity of my family that this one might be our last just because I don't want to put my poor husband and daughter through another pregnancy.

I'm hoping that things get better. I know it's mostly a mind set and just taking it one thing at a time and not trying to be Wonder Women all the time. I'm also realizing that I need to let people help me. I usually don't like to leave Terina with my friends when they're outside and I usually don't let her go to other people's houses to play but lately.... she's been all over the place. I do feel guilty for just sitting at home on the couch while someone else is watching Terina but when Sala is at work or at school all day and I've been at work all day I need some time to myself and I'm so grateful that I have wonderful friends who I can trust with Terina.

I am excited for this new baby to join our family. And Terina is super excited for "Sister Baby" to come along. (No... we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet but in her mind it's a girl) She's going to make such a wonderful big sister. And she's so good at taking care of me when I'm throwing up. I guess we'll see what the future holds for our family but I really do think that this is our last one.... just because I don't want to torture my poor family for another 9 LONG months ever again.